Uncomfortable situations. They happen everyday and some are ignorable (like dead air in the elevator) and others are unavoidable. It tends to be that those situations that are the most uncomfortable are also the ones that induce the worst headaches and have the most implications.
I was in one of these incredibly uncomfortable situations, when all I could think about were the major flaws in the strategy behind a redesign of an existing website. In this particular situation it wasn’t my job to care or speak up and yet I felt obligated to do something. Decisions were being made that were going to hurt the organization and yet I knew that certain people would prefer if I said nothing at all.
Some of the challenges I face in saying the unpopular things are unique to my situation. I’m new at the organization with less than two months under my belt. I’m female, which at this point is still a disadvantage. The biggest challenge I face, though, is being young. I am young, but it’s even worse become I look younger than I actually am (double whammy). In spite of these obstacles that may or may not be unique to me, there’s still some valuable takeaways that I thought I’d share.
1. It’s okay not to be liked:
I did speak up eventually, but what was holding me back was my own fear that others with more seniority would either lose respect for me, marginalize what I was saying, or just plain not like me. Once I realized that the interest of the organization was more important than being liked, I felt I needed to say something. I’m still in the process of getting buy-in from everyone, but in general I’m more respected now then I was before because I said something that everyone else was too afraid to say.
2. If you’re uncomfortable, odds are that someone else is too
Once I started voicing my discomfort to individuals in the organization that I trusted, it became extremely apparent that my level of discomfort was on par with their level of discomfort. Starting the conversation enabled us to address the challenge in a collaborative way and discuss what it would take for each us to feel more comfortable.
3. Start with a small audience
For me to get the buy-in I needed, I knew that I couldn’t come clean with my thoughts in a large group environment. Even though I wanted to shout, “this is stupid, we can’t do this,” I held back and decided to approach my closest ally on the project. Once I had a partner in crime, I also had more wisdom to pull from. With her help we talked about ways to get more buy-in and we continued to approach smaller audiences who would be open to just listening. Creating that foundation is what proved to be instrumental because now it’s the group saying “this isn’t the right decision” instead of just me.
The situation being referenced isn’t completely resolved just yet, but I think we’re on the right path now. All I had to do was say the unpopular thing.
