My residence in Manchester New Hampshire, or as the locals call it ManchVegas (for reasons that I cannot quite grasp), is quickly approaching an end. Wednesday morning, December 12, 2007, I will officially be a resident of San Diego, at least in the eyes of the Post Office and my creditors. I’ll be driving back to San Diego much the same way that I drove from San Diego, but the path will be entirely new. The states and cities I traverse through will remain the same, but the road is one unfamiliar to me.

Having been a Manchester resident for approximately 4 months, or 116 days, I find myself battling with my sentiments surrounding this move. A few people have expressed malcontent and disappointment with my decision to switch to contractor status. These people have suggested that I’m a failure for walking away so soon and not sticking it out longer. These comments, when blended with my own occasional bouts of self-questioning, combine to create a world of anguish that has manifested itself as a ominous storm cloud, clouding the light that this new opportunity brings me. A cacophony of voices, internal and external, distort and bastardize the truth; my truth.

The truth is that the easier decision would have been to stay. There would be no moving headache, no parting with household and personal accoutrements I’ve spent my young adult life acquiring, no driving anxiety, no cross-country commute. The easiest thing of all would have been to do nothing.

There is purity in my decision. I’m being honest with myself, my work, and with everyone in my life. I’m not pretending to be satiated with my life in Manchester and I’m not faking happiness; I’m finding it and redefining it. I’m finally admitting to myself that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to need a support system (to be clear this isn’t about a man, but about friends and family). Even though I can go it alone (an important lesson this journey has shown me), I want more. I’m running towards something amazing and adding a couple of instrumental adult decisions to my list of life experiences.

I’ve got a story to tell and it’s not about failure or running away from challenges, but about being realistic in times of flux and making life-altering decisions in the face of adversity. I’ve got a story to tell, but the story is just beginning and the remainder of the story will unravel in unforeseen ways, always approaching the limits of my infinity but never quite finding an absolute end.

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