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I’ve been doing a little bit of dating these days and it’s working out well for my personal blog, but not so much for my personal dating life. Here are some red flags and warning signs to pay special attention to when on the all important first date.

  1. He says “we” at anytime. The first date is merely the meeting of two individuals, two distinct individuals. If you hit it off, you’ll both have the opportunity to use “we” in the future, but it should have no place at the first date dinner table. There are only two reasons a man would use “we” on the first date. a) He’s a pig and he’s trying to get you into bed. b) He’s already put the cart before the horse, and he wants you to be his girlfriend. A man that uses “we” on the first date has pretty much laid all his cards on the table. He’s expecting this first date to go somewhere more serious, and even though it’s admiral to think it, he should never say it. He’s needy and needy men become clingy and unattractive after a few months (but you’ll already be stuck in a serious relationship).
  2. Either of the acronyms “WoW” (in reference to World of Warcraft) or “MMORPG” (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games) escape his lips. If he uses both in the same sentence, run away fast. I have nothing against a man that plays these online games (that’s not totally true), but if he can’t contain his enthusiasm for his hobby, you can assume all of the following: he’s obsessed, he’s skipped a shower for an important battle/match, he’ll choose the game over sex at some point in the relationship, he’s already created a female character that is more buxom than any playboy centerfold, and he’ll blame you for infringing upon his mode of relaxation if you try to pull him away from the game for anything other than food.
  3. He can’t decide which sports bar to take you to. Sports are great. Men who love sports are great. Sports on the first date, unless the date is the live sporting event, is not great; it signifies a man that isn’t willing to sacrifice his love of the game for a chance to really get to know you. His priorities won’t change for the second date or after the second year of dating. This really isn’t a problem in Southern California, but venture to New England and the sports bar conundrum could happen to you (it’s happened to me).
  4. You need a drink to have a good time. This seems obvious, but alcohol impairs your judgment. If the guy bores you when you’re sober, but alcohol makes him good people, chances are you’ll always be less than entertained when you’re in the company of this male and without a drink.

I’ve started the list, now it’s your turn to add to it. Angie, you’ve got at least one or two to add right?


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  • Michelle
    If he tells you this awesome date he has planned and gets you all excited and expectant for it, then once date time arrives, he is too tired, running too late, whatever, and just wants to order in and watch a movie.

    Dude had no intention of spending any money on you, and is trying to get you to serve him. Don't fall for it!
  • Ethic is spot on. Your second rule is stereotypical, but it's only natural you feel this way given a past relationship. As for my first date killers I feel the same way about similar things like Myspace. I do not want to hear about it, nor do I care. If it keeps getting brought up in the conversation and doesn't go away, I will.

    Dora the Explorer cruising music is brilliant. I'll have to try that out sometime.
  • Jenn, I've got your back on the gaming issue. I often play video games online with buddies, but have the common sense not to talk about it on a first date. I think it would be a turn off for a woman as video games are typically associated with a couch potato lifestyle. And what woman would want that kind of relationship? Where is the excitement, intrigue or the promise of any future other than large LCD televisions, funny-looking headsets and online trash-talking? WoW!

    I'd like to add a few to the list as well...

    #1 Crying by either party on a first date is a deal breaker.

    #2 Talking about your ex. Again, not a good idea for anyone.

    #3 Telling your date you have $50,000 in credit card debt and thinking about filing bankruptcy.
  • Jenn
    @ethic you make an excellent point. It really is more about an unhealthy obsession with some hobby rather than just the MMORPG games.

    @Mark I'm not sure how anything I said makes me bigot, and don't worry I don't eat dessert on a first date. As to the ex...I'm not angry at him all. It's never easy to end a relationship, but I did really love the guy in question. In all honesty, had he made a few compromises in the gaming department, I would have stuck it out with him. He's a good guy though and if you see him in game you can tell him I said that.
  • Mark
    You're a bigot. That's a big turn-off for me on a date, so you wouldn't be making it to the dessert round, let alone to a second date.

    Your psychological damage from a prior relationship has nothing to do with gaming or anyone else; you're obviously still angry at your previous guy, and taking it out on everyone else.
  • Point number two should just apply to being obsessed with *any* hobby. It's not about the exact hobby, but the level of involvement. I could say the same thing about soap operas (well anything on TV really), crossword puzzles, celebrity worship, NASCAR, etc. Your point would have been better made talking about hobby obsession rather than singling out one specific hobby. As is the case in any hobby, some people take it too far.
  • Jenn
    openedge1 you make some decent points but I think I'm being slightly misunderstood. I take no issue with the game or the gamer, just the obsession. I dated and loved a man who was obsessed and I found that other women in my shoes struggled with the same issues. Maybe I wasn't enganging enough, but either way I'd rather avoid competing with a game in the future. For me it was a lesson learned. To each his own right?
  • This is an interesting post...but, i happen to be one who will disagree with #2..
    I am sure some other have on other blogs...but, I needed to come and point out the fallacies here...and my wife would be happy to corroborate.

    1. he’s obsessed
    So, for one or two hours a day, I am interested in a fantasy based world where I can either enjoy some free time, talk with others, get rid of work frustrations, or just kill some time. Yet, I am an avid foodie (love to go to relatively expensive restaurants or try various foods, and I am a food connoisseur), I am not a drinker and be at the bar every night, I do not do drugs, and hold a well placed position in a reputable Christian based firm. Go figure...you have pigeonholed someone based on maybe one or two situations of your own.
    2. he’s skipped a shower for an important battle/match
    Hmmm. Why would this matter if I am doing a battle at my computer desk and not out on a date with someone? I am confused over why skipping a shower is an issue? I am a clean, well kept person, who showers two to three times a day, depending on need. Again a pigeonhole of an MMO player. My belief is that if they are going on a date, they are going to shower...as not only do MMO players not shower...other "types" as well do not shower...
    3. he’ll choose the game over sex at some point in the relationship
    And would you not choose no sex at varying times...say after working out at the gym and YOU have not showered yet? And how often is a good amount of times for sex for it to be pleasurable? And here is the kicker...I have had BETTER sex due to the fact my wife is willing to "draw" me away from the game with sex...oh the agony...(as I quickly tell everyone in the game goodbye)

    I would put the feelings you have toward "Gamers" as a lack of your ability to draw the man in, and keep him interested as the issue here. The "geek" that will be playing games will be one of several things as a matter of fact...

    *Successful in their job and well off, and comfortable in their own skin

    *Surprisingly NOT who you thought they would be (examples being :Samuel L Jackson, Curt Schilling (who has plans to start his OWN MMORPG company), Milla Jovovich, Carmen Electra, Dave Chappelle)

    *Willing to work on making their woman pleased, and satisfied with their life...

    So many things your missing out on...if you were not as closed minded.
    Successful dating never works when you are as willing to write off a certain person based on their interests...
    You could find the perfect partner in life.
  • Jenn
    I knew you would have a few to add to the list! Let's all hope that #5 is something we can all avoid on the first date. :)
  • Ha ha ha - I giggled out loud at point number one, but then I busted out laughing at point number two. I'd never even heard of Multiplayer Online Gutbusting.. or whatever.

    As it would so happen, I do have a few memories of "yikes" moments of which other women may want to take heed:

    1. If you ever find yourself up all night monitoring your date's breathing in order to ensure they don't die from alcohol poisoning or barf-related asphyxiation, run.

    2. If you go out for drinks with a date and they order anything blended, fruity, or including the word "cider," one or many of a variety of issues will probably follow.

    3. If your date ever admits to getting facial peels; or they tell you not to wear your hair back too tight or else risk balding; or if you are really sick and they compliment you on how thin you look; or they take acting lessons; you better be equally as neurotic about your appearances, or suffer the consequences.

    4. If your date is playing a mix-cd in their car that they made for cruising, and the theme song from "Dora the Explorer" comes on, quickly re-evaluate what it is about this guy that attracted you to him in the first place.

    5. Two words: butt plug.
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