So this post isn’t related to my other numbers post, that one is about sex and this one is about the actual 10 digits that are exchanged when you meet someone you like (or don’t like).

The Rules Have Changed

Back in the day before everyone had cell phones, and men were less savvy to the fake number game (which really wasn’t that long ago), a gal used to be able to assert her interest in a guy by giving him her real number. If she didn’t like the guy she could give a fake and move on. If he (the guy with the real number) called in two to three days he would be eligible for a first date, but if he waited too long she would assume he wasn’t that interested. How simple and easy.

Today the rules have changed in more than a few ways.

Fake numbers aren’t an option. Guys have become savvy to this ploy, so they usually whip out their cell and ask you to input your name and number (which is now their way of getting digits without remembering your name). The new trend seems to be that once the digits are stored, the guy will call the number to confirm that it truly is yours. Two new problems arise.

Problem # 1 – You now have the guy’s number in your cell (good for screening purposes), but in this day and age guys don’t feel like they always have to be the pursuer and occasionally expect this exchange of numbers to result in the girl calling them, possibly creating a no call scenario.

Problem #2 – You’ve given your number to guy you don’t care to see again, simply because you were backed into a corner. He calls. You screen. If you don’t return his call and he’s especially interested, he’ll call again. You screen again. Awkward. Your intention wasn’t to be a bitch, but now you’ve ignored his call twice and that’s exactly what he thinks of you. Any future run-ins will not end well because his ego is bruised (especially if his bros were in tow when he first met you).

I have lots of experience with both problems. Problem #1 because I actually wanted a guy to call, who was expecting me to call him. Problem #2 because I used to frequent the same karaoke and dive bars weekly, making me available to the men that I had unintentionally scorned. Of course #2 can be solved by being honest with the guy, but be careful with that approach too. Some guys can’t take no for an answer.

Tips to Try…

If You Like the Guy

1. Confirm his interest and intentions before you leave. Either mention that you’ll be expecting his call (be flirty and playful, not desperate) so that he knows he is next to act, or feel him out to see if you can get an idea of when he plans to call. You’ll know he’s interested if he’s quick to affirm his intentions, but not so interested if he vaguely gives you some non-committal response like, “I’m really busy this week, but I’ll be in touch.”
2. You like him but you want control of the situation. Don’t give out your number, but take his instead. Tread lightly because this is slightly emasculating and may be a turn off for some guys.
3. This is obvious, but don’t sleep with him. Times have changed, but the same rules still apply when it comes to sex. 95% of guys will lose interest immediately. Strong/intense chemistry (more than just sexual) can sometimes make the rules inapplicable, but don’t count on it.

And If You Don’t

There are respectful ways of declining a man’s advances (make sure not to give out your number), which include…

1. If you’re with a group of girls say, “we’re just having a girls night” and stay firm if he tries to poke away at your excuse.
2. If you’re solo and not worried about his perception of you say, “I’ve recently been through a rough break up, and I’m just not in a good place right now.”
3. If you’re not afraid to offend the guy or bruise his ego you could say, “that’s probably a bad idea, I just don’t think we click,” or, “I was hoping you could introduce me to your friend,” or, “I have my eyes on someone else right now.”

Of course rejection is tough. I’ve been rejected a number of times and I’ve learned not to take it personally, but for some reason I still hate to be the one doing the rejecting. I feel like a bad person, but reality is that if I give out my number I’m leading the guy on and that is much worse (in my opinion).

Got some in-the-field experiences to share? Men, what are your acceptance or rejection techniques? Do share.

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