Does this situation sound familiar?

You’re getting frisky with your man, clothes are coming off, body parts are getting warm, the mood is just right, and then for some reason or another your man’s “enthusiasm” for sexual intercourse starts to wane; he goes soft.

How do you react?

As a woman, I know that it’s difficult not to take these moments of deflated sexual tension personally. It’s easy for us to equate the level of erectness to the guy’s level of interest. We assume that maybe we don’t look good naked, we’re probably doing something wrong, or (worst case scenario) you have erectile dysfunction (can you blame us? The Viagra/Levitra commercials are everywhere).

As a guy’s gal, however, I’m constantly having conversations with men about their sex lives and relationships. Surprisingly, most men have been on the flip side of this unflattering situation. I’ve heard men get candid about this very subject, and the overwhelming trend I’m starting to recognize is that there are a myriad of variables that contribute to or detract from a hard penis. Time of day, energy level, stress level, body-image, pressure, and perception of the situation are just a few of the contributing factors, none of which have anything to do with how you look naked. Of course, these same guys admit that the occasional softy is not big a deal, but they also note that there probably is a problem if the man is frequently having these issues.

The worst thing you can do is…

…make it about you or the penis.

It’s really not about you, but when you make it about you then the whole situation becomes strained. Hurt feelings could equate to tears, which could lead to a man questioning his manhood, and might cause future challenges in the bedroom. It’s a very circular problem. If you take it personally, he’ll take it personally, and the opportunity to conclude with great sex is mutually exclusive and utterly impossible.

The reality

Guys I know have given me two pieces of advice. As a woman you could just back off from the overt sexuality of the situation and cuddle or talk (naked of course). Usually a few minutes of no pressure conversation is all a man needs to get his drive back. The other option is to keep on keeping on. Men have told me that our association between erectness and interest is not quite accurate; they still want to have sex and they still very much could cum. With either approach the key is to remove the immediate pressure of getting hard. Even a supermodel is going to have a difficult time getting a man hard once he’s entered the zone of sexual self-consciousness.

So what do you think about all this? Have you been in this situation? What are your thoughts? Got any advice to share?

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