I’m the type of gal that prefers not to have casual sex; I like frequently great sex with one man in a committed relationship. There have been times in my life, however, when I’m more open to something with less strings attached, hence the subject matter of this post.

What I Mean By Casual Sex

Let me make a quick distinction. Casual sex and one night stands are two entirely different concepts. One night stands are self-explanatory, but I understand casual sex to be something a little less wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. In my experiences, casual sex is a state that exists somewhere between a one nighter and the concrete confines of a committed relationship.

Tenets of Casual Sex

• The endings are usually much more humane than real break-ups. Since things were never really that serious to begin with, endings to casual sex situations can be mutually beneficial and even compassionate. Exceptions to this tenet occur when one party wants to make the casual thing a serious thing, and the other party is completely ambivalent.
• The sex is usually pretty darn good. There’s a rhyme and reason for going back for more, and it certainly isn’t the bed linens or the pillow talk.
• There is something that is tangibly missing from the equation, making one or both parties opposed to taking the relationship to the next level.

Same City Run-Ins

At a recent social event in my favorite city, I happened to run into a former casual sex partner. Although there was no perceivable awkward tension (we’ve actually run into each other a few times before), I can’t help but wonder what was going through his head when he saw me. My thoughts we’re pretty simple, minus the last one:

Oh there’s XXXX. I would have never guessed that he would be here.

Hmmm, I think he wants to talk to me. I’m not sure what to say, but I’ll just smile and wave.

Maybe we can co-exist in the same room, with common friends, and not have it be uncomfortable.

I wonder if he’s telling that guy he’s chatting with that we’ve had sex. That would be weird.

This is where I need some help. That last thought sent me on a tail spin of what seemed like logical associations that resulted in my final assumption that everyone at the bar knew about my former fling with XXXX. Men, am I crazy to think this? What’s really going through your head when you see a former fling? Are you sharing all the bedroom details with your male or female cohorts? Are you secretly wishing to hook up again? Tell me everything, I promise I won’t judge you. Your help is appreciated!

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