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Sooner or later a single gal who enjoys sex will find herself in a situation where it’s suddenly 7am in the morning and she’s waking up to the notion that not only did she do the deed last night, but she now has to scrape her party dress and panties off the floor, scour the room for her stiletto heels, and head to the bathroom to make the “I just had sex” look disappear before exiting the premises and venturing out on Walk of Shame Boulevard.

The walk of shame promises public scrutiny, because despite all best efforts, it’s almost impossible not to stand out when you combine messy hair, heels, and dressy attire in the morning — especially on the weekend. Of course I do everything in my power to avoid the ensuing post-coital awkwardness including hosting male guests at my pad (men probably find comfort in the walk of shame), leaving before light casts its rays of judgment, or bringing an overnight bag with a change of clothes, a brush, and flats. Regardless of the options, the inevitableness of the walk of shame becomes entirely unavoidable when you start to find yourself sharing a bed with someone you like on a regular basis. The only possible real solution to the problem is mentioned above — bring an overnight bag — but there’s also some weighty consequences to consider. Every woman risks immediate rejection if she tries to introduce the overnight bag too early in a relationship. There are three types of men in this world in regards to the overnight bag, and their reactions to the introduction of this foreign product will be either:

  1. Adamantly and vehemently opposed. Think Carrie’s Mr. Big. This closed-off man is very protective of his space. He’ll assume that you’re being presumptuous and thinking that the relationship is headed in a serious direction. He’ll make his distaste for said bag extremely obvious by either asking you to leave before dawn or finding a way to make you uncomfortable for assuming that you could plan ahead.
  2. Ambivalent over time. Some guys just need a little time to get acclimated to having you invade their space. They won’t be put off by the overnight bag, but they might get a little scared off if the bag makes its appearance after the second date.
  3. Completely unfazed. These are the guys who understand the humiliating nature of the walk of shame and would much rather have you stay over for wild and crazy sex than worry about the implications of the overnight bag.

The question then becomes, how does a girl know what type of man she’s bedding? I’ve got a few ideas on how to tell, but I’ve also been wrong before. Any and all insight is appreciated. What’s a girl to do?


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  • Stomper
    I find it hard to believe that the walk of shame even exists, because It doesn't exist in my reality. My belief system is very open-minded and non-judemental of other people, so if I were to happen to see a woman walking down the street at 7am in a party dress and stiletto's, I honestly wouldn't think anything of it.

    How could what strangers may or may not be thinking about the circumstances that caused you to be looking that way walking down the street at 7am bother you? Just by mentally framing that situation in a negative tone, you force yourself to try to come up with solutions for it.

    How about not framing it in a negative mental tone at all? Think about it, you got laid the night before. How many of the people that will see you walking down the street the next morning do you think got laid the night before? Probably 25% of them at the most. If anything, of the people that make any mental judgement about what you're wearing while doing the "walk of shame" that morning, 75% of them will envy you for getting laid the night before, because they didn't.

    I really can't see any justification for the "walk of shame" to have such a title that portrays it in a negative light. In my opinion, it needs to be renamed to the "walk of happiness", because good sex the night before can make you feel good about yourself the following day.

    Take this for what it's worth, and try to use this perspective next time you find yourself in such a situation.
  • DSal
    I do not think an overnight bag is such a big ordeal. Granted I think differently than most people, but back when I was single, it would be preferred over closet or drawer space for someone who became a regular visitor. I was very territorial, boundaries were set, if I opened them it was for a reason. In my bizarre mindset overnight equals good, no big deal; drawer/closet space equals major relationship commitment, settling down scenario. That could be good or bad depending on my feelings for the person. Sounds bad I guess because if you are having them stay over you would assume some level of wanting them there in the first place. As I read over my comments I realize they look rather bad...but at least they are honest...
  • Great post! From what I've seen in the past, the "walk of shame" has a simple solution if you have your car present.

    First, a guy shouldn't really worry about someone being prepared to be hygienic. Anyone that makes presumptions about "the bag" being some kind of anchor tieing him down is just lame. Even more so, it just makes sense that if there's sex going on, especially consistently, it's not a bad thing to have preparations present - just shows that the Awesome was premeditated... Should be a bonus to most men.

    If you're still questioning whether or not the bag is acceptable, keep it in your car, then in the morning nab some man-sweats and a t-shirt, cruise to the car, grab your shit & hit the shower.

    The boundary to not cross is leaving your stuff in his bathroom prematurely, and pulling the "nesting" stuff out before it's due. In fact, I'd say that's the concerning matter of the fact... having portable preparations is never a bad thing, unless it's the first time you went out with the person, ever.
  • Joe
    I'm not sure how you read a guy for this either. I don't have a lot of experience in this particular scenario. Yet, I have to say it's truly sad that we live in a society where there has to be a Walk of Shame Boulevard. Men are comfortable with this street because for them it's a Walk of Pride. I know this is like saying don't be who you are, but I would urge you, don't feel shame. Single sex is not a crime in this country . . . . well not yet.
  • I have no idea how to tell a guys reactions to the overnight bag but a possible solution who be to sneak one in. I had someone ninja a bag in once and was amazed she was able to fit a whole outfit in what looked like a normal purse.

    If you had two bags and both of you rode in the same car then pulling a switcharoo is easily excusable but if you took two cars then I guess it would be more noticeable you have a different bag on you.

    I never realized how hard the walk of shame was till I started asking my homegirls about it. I also thought it just meant the walk back to the car after the club when your outfits all messed up from dancing and sweating.

    P.S.
    Your blog gives me the most referrals out of all the comments I leave people so I hope you don't mind me commenting often lol.
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