Being open makes me a target, a target for all my jilted former lovers, a target for people who pretend to be my friend in public spaces but openly mock me or attack me and do so in a way that isn’t too difficult to decipher. We all get older, even the bullies on the playground, but the playground just morphs into different realms, it never disappears.

So while I contemplate how best to satisfy my saucier side, I’ll recount a relatively innocent story. Everything you read is true, not a sensationalized version, but a colorful description of the absolute worst kisser to ever have the opportunity to plant his lips against mine.

I met T at a bar in Mission Hills. I was standing outside inhaling the cancerous fumes from my Camel Silvers (yes I did smoke at one point in my life) when an olive-skinned, muscular man with a face that distinctly reminded me of my baseball crush, pitcher Jake Peavy, walked past me and blatantly gave me the once over with his eyes. I suppose he liked what he saw, and on a purely superficial level, so did I. T was wearing a Padre hat, wife-beater, and jeans. His aura screamed man, and my vodka soda-less self went inside to consume a beverage in the hopes of getting warm enough not to care that his body language and outbursts inside the bar were definite signs that he was already swimming in a sea of beer.

Over the course of the next few hours, I drank to dumb myself down to T’s level and we eventually got to the point where we could talk. It turns out that T was my age, putting himself through school, and rooming with the other T who was trying to bed my best friend. I wasn’t quite drunk enough to ignore that T reeked of liquor and beer, couldn’t utter a sentence without slurring it, and had trouble standing upright. When he asked for my number, I had enough self-respect to shut him down. I used the ever popular line, “maybe we’ll run into each other again.”

A week later we did run into each other again – at the same bar – under the same circumstances. We started to make it a point to run into each other. After ending a relationship with a man who took very little care of his body, I convinced myself the slightly stupid man with an impossibly toned body deserved a chance. Of course he totally blew it. T and the other T were supposed to meet up with Angie and I for drinks and then do a double date dinner. T and the other T showed up late, pounded shots of tequila, and never found the energy to leave the bar – but I did, and I made a scene in doing so. I embarrassed T in front of his friends by rejecting his advances and leaving without saying goodbye. Even hammered I couldn’t believe how disgusting his behavior had been.

Several weeks later, after several avoided calls, T managed to convince me to meet him for a drink. This time around T seemed surprisingly sober, his body looked better than ever, and he even appeared to keep up with my witty repartee. We started doing the touchy flirty thing. He touched my leg, I grazed his; I stared a little too long into eyes, he stared a little too long at my breasts. At 2am bar time, T asked me if I wanted to see his pad. I was in the mood to make-out, so after I said my requisite line “I’m not going to have sex with you” to ease my own anxieties, we left the bar to head to his place a few blocks away.

The 2 minute car ride over was riddled with awkwardness – I think I was sobering up and slowly regretting my lapse in judgment. At T’s house he gave me the tour. It was a two story house, shared by four men, who obviously were undisturbed by the utter chaos of the house. T grabbed a beer for the both of us, and we went outside so that he could smoke. Clarity pierced my muddled brain. I couldn’t ignore the obvious. The backyard was littered with empty beer cans shedding light on T’s personal devils – alcohol and cigarettes. I was getting prepared to offer some bullshit reason for leaving when T grabbed me and pulled me closer to him. As T preemptively stuck his tongue out, I shut my eyes and hoped for the best. My mouth was suddenly accosted by a warm, wet, sloppy mouth, and a tongue that wanted to explore the entire depth of my mouth. I instantly tried to coach his horrendous kissing technique by rejecting his tongue at every turn with a closed mouth. I’m not sure why I didn’t just walk away; any and all sexiness had evaporated from the equation, but I stayed long enough to learn that there was no way to teach T to kiss better. Along with the proffered verbal guidance that backfired, I tried to demonstrate, with tips, how I enjoyed kissing, but T is not a quick learner, so he continued to try and assault my lips and mouth with an overzealous tongue that couldn’t seem to decipher the difference between my lips and the rest of my face.

There are more horrific details to the story, like the unkept bathroom with at least 5 spiders who looked anxious to bite me as I peed, or the bedroom that smelled of stale beer, but let’s just say the evening was unforgetable in the worst kind of way. I waited until T passed out, which thankfully didn’t take very long, grabbed my purse and snuck out as fast as I could. I never saw T again, although I heard through the grapevine that he was disappointed and surprised that I wouldn’t return his calls. I just didn’t have the heart to tell T that kissing him was nauseating, and obviously none of his previous dates had done so either.

I absolutely love Katy Perry’s new song, I Kissed a Girl. The lyrics don’t necessarily speak to me on an intellectual or emotional level, but I enjoy the sound of her voice, the kitchy quality of the song, and the upbeat tempo. What interests me more, however, are the inferences one can draw from the song as related to a shift in social mores. Let’s explore the women kissing women concept a bit more.

Why do we do it?

Maybe I grew up in a time of sexual experimentation, possibly a product of the sexual revolution, but ever since college I’ve been conscious of a growing trendy — women kissing other women. In case you’re wondering, I’ve been an active participant in this fad that doesn’t seem to be losing style points as the years go by. From what I know about women, men, and human nature, I’m fairly certain I can speak to why all of us straight chicas are so willing to liplock with each other.

1. Just for the fun of it. The equation usually consists of a few elements mixing together — alcohol + peer pressure + appearance = impromptu female make-out sessions. It’s really pretty harmless fun. Women are very conscious oh how they’re perceived. If they want to be perceived as sexy, fun, and adventurous they will “flirt” with their girlfriends for social acceptance and appearance.
2. Trying to impress (turn-on) a man. To continue on the first reason, if women are trying to attract male attention in a social setting, or just trying to excite their boyfriend, they will bank on the fact that 99% of straight men are incredibly aroused by the thought of two (or more) women kissing. The difference between a man and a woman, however, is that a man is more sexually motivated to turn the flirtatious kissing into something more tangible. For women it’s a game of how far they can vacillate between the indecipherable boundaries of sexual innuendo and actual sex. For men it’s more like a conquest – Can I get them to kiss? Can I get them to do more than kiss? The fantasy evolves for men.
3. Genuine curiosity. Somewhere between bi-sexual and sexually experimental for appearances sake, there exists a group of women who are intrigued by the female entity. It’s a genuine curiosity that may or may not be explored. I’m pretty sure I fall into this category, so I’ll speak in the first person. Certain women exude a sexuality that is tangible. So while I would never ogle an incredibly attractive women, I can be drawn in by a woman’s aura – the way she carries herself, the way she speaks, they way she touches herself – these can all be very sensual and erotic cues that peak my interest. The difference between me and women who do it just for fun, is that I am skirting the line of bi-sexuality with a genuine (albeit temporal) attraction to women,  even though I know I’m straight.

Of course there are many other factors that contribute to the phenomena, but most straight women can identify with one or more of the reasons I’ve listed.

Is it socially acceptable?

Fact, while women kissing women is becoming more prevalent, it’s only socially acceptable in pockets of society. Part of the appeal is that it is still taboo, and our parents will hate us for doing it. Obviously the most active participants in the trend are the high school and college kids of today. But what happens as the trend ages and adults, like myself, become parents? Will it always be taboo? Once the trend becomes commonplace, will the cool kids find something more rebellious to do? Will songs like I Kissed Girl result in more girls kissing girls? These are all questions that I don’t think can be answered right now. It seems possible that the females doing it just for fun, or to impress a man, may lose interest when the act becomes a good girl norm. I doubt, however, women with a general curiosity will ever change; they might be swayed to act more readily on curiosities during a fad, but those secret thoughts and desires won’t ever dissipate.

What are your thoughts?

I’m absolutely positive that everyone can identify with this trend as either an observer or participant, so what are your thoughts? What’s happening? Why is it happening? Will the trend change over time? What are your own personal experiences?

Twitter

Twitter, for those of you not using the incredibly addicting micro-blogging site, is like one big chat room with a 140 character limit for each update. The level of addiction increases as you follow and are followed by more and more people. As more people start to tweet about their lives, their locations, and general randomness, a few Twitter police have emerged from the crowd with the intention of spanking Twitter users for what they deem to be inappropriate uses of 140 characters.

I’m tired of seeing people tweet about how or how not to tweet. Twitter is still relatively new, we’re all still figuring out how to leverage the 140 characters for value, and no one has mastered what it means to be a good twitterer/tweeter/tweep etc. Take that soap box you’re standing on and use it for something meaningful. I might use my other blog to write a full post on this subject.

Men

Some of you are great, some of you think with your dicks, and some of you are just plain dicks. Here’s the problem. I think I’ve given too many men the impression that I’m bedable — an easy lay. Sorry to disappoint fellas, but a girl like me isn’t going to give up the milk for free. Realistically, after reading my post on sexpectations, you shouldn’t even want it. This milk is sour (that is a terribly poignant analogy).

There is also a handful of you who don’t know what to do with me. You’re not interested in the sex, and for some reason or another you’re completely turned off by my personality. That’s okay. We don’t have to like each other. If, however, I make an effort to send good things your way and I’ve never done anything but speak of you highly, why do you insist upon disliking me? Maybe you think I’m one big pretender, but if you do, have the decency to tell me to my face. Please, a little common courtesy is all I ask for.

Gossip

I’m usually pretty good about not spreading gossip. I like to stick to the facts. Every once in awhile, however, a really juicy piece of information crosses my path, and I can’t help but follow the grimy trail of dirt until I reach the filthy core of the secret. Lately, however, the tables have been turned. People are gossiping about me. People I trust are telling people I don’t trust things about me and/or my sex life that are either blatantly untrue or too true (hence the secret part). It goes the other way too…people I don’t trust are making up lies and passing them off as the truth. There’s only so many times in a week I want to hear, “just so you know XXXX said this about you…”.

It’s hard not to feel like I brought all of this messiness upon myself. I’m caked in mud and trying to dine at a four star restaurant, of course I’m going to draw unwanted negative attention. Perhaps the easy remedy to the problem is to lay low, or blog less, but the reality is that as more and more people find my little sex blog, the more I’m going to have to develop a thicker layer of impenetrable skin.

Men won’t turn down a sure thing. If a guy thinks he can bed you, he’s going to try. He’s not going to think about the consequences, or worry about how you feel, he’s simply going to sucker you into bed with the promise of a nice long massage and nothing else. Everything else is intended.

Men want to feel sexy. They almost need this. I’ve blogged about it before, but men do need the reassurance that they’re attractive, well-endowed, or good in bed. If you don’t pander to their ego, they’ll reaffirm these ideas verbally whether you agree or not, or they’ll find someone else who actually does make them feel sexy. Hopefully you won’t have to do the ego-pander dance.

Men will flirt with a skirt. It really doesn’t matter if the man is married, engaged, dating, or single. Nor does it matter if the women is overly attractive. Men enjoy flirting with women, and they’re going to do it repeatedly, especially if said woman is in the service business (waitress, bartender, maid (that’s more of a fantasy thing)). It definitely goes back to the ever powerful male ego.

Men acclimate to the vibe set by their male peers, and the dominant male rules the roost. A group of men in the same place always has a leader, whether the group is aware of it or not. The leader is the man they all secretly strive to be (or the one they think gets laid the most, if it’s a fraternity group), and they’ll subconsciously emulate this man’s behavior. Ever wonder why guys get so rowdy (or retarded) when they’re together? They’re feeding off the vibe and energy that is created by the dominate male.

UPDATE

Here’s an obvious one I’m not sure why I forgot:

Men crave the challenge and the chase. It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to capture a man’s attention by making myself appear to be completely uninterested or unavailable. Offer a man a carrot and he’ll decline, but tell him he can’t have that same carrot, and all of sudden he can’t get vegetables off his mind.

The walk of shame promises public scrutiny, because despite all best efforts, it’s almost impossible not to stand out when you combine messy hair, heels, and dressy attire in the morning — especially on the weekend. Of course I do everything in my power to avoid the ensuing post-coital awkwardness including hosting male guests at my pad (men probably find comfort in the walk of shame), leaving before light casts its rays of judgment, or bringing an overnight bag with a change of clothes, a brush, and flats. Regardless of the options, the inevitableness of the walk of shame becomes entirely unavoidable when you start to find yourself sharing a bed with someone you like on a regular basis. The only possible real solution to the problem is mentioned above — bring an overnight bag — but there’s also some weighty consequences to consider. Every woman risks immediate rejection if she tries to introduce the overnight bag too early in a relationship. There are three types of men in this world in regards to the overnight bag, and their reactions to the introduction of this foreign product will be either:

1. Adamantly and vehemently opposed. Think Carrie’s Mr. Big. This closed-off man is very protective of his space. He’ll assume that you’re being presumptuous and thinking that the relationship is headed in a serious direction. He’ll make his distaste for said bag extremely obvious by either asking you to leave before dawn or finding a way to make you uncomfortable for assuming that you could plan ahead.
2. Ambivalent over time. Some guys just need a little time to get acclimated to having you invade their space. They won’t be put off by the overnight bag, but they might get a little scared off if the bag makes its appearance after the second date.
3. Completely unfazed. These are the guys who understand the humiliating nature of the walk of shame and would much rather have you stay over for wild and crazy sex than worry about the implications of the overnight bag.

The question then becomes, how does a girl know what type of man she’s bedding? I’ve got a few ideas on how to tell, but I’ve also been wrong before. Any and all insight is appreciated. What’s a girl to do?

The Rules Have Changed

Back in the day before everyone had cell phones, and men were less savvy to the fake number game (which really wasn’t that long ago), a gal used to be able to assert her interest in a guy by giving him her real number. If she didn’t like the guy she could give a fake and move on. If he (the guy with the real number) called in two to three days he would be eligible for a first date, but if he waited too long she would assume he wasn’t that interested. How simple and easy.

Today the rules have changed in more than a few ways.

Fake numbers aren’t an option. Guys have become savvy to this ploy, so they usually whip out their cell and ask you to input your name and number (which is now their way of getting digits without remembering your name). The new trend seems to be that once the digits are stored, the guy will call the number to confirm that it truly is yours. Two new problems arise.

Problem # 1 – You now have the guy’s number in your cell (good for screening purposes), but in this day and age guys don’t feel like they always have to be the pursuer and occasionally expect this exchange of numbers to result in the girl calling them, possibly creating a no call scenario.

Problem #2 – You’ve given your number to guy you don’t care to see again, simply because you were backed into a corner. He calls. You screen. If you don’t return his call and he’s especially interested, he’ll call again. You screen again. Awkward. Your intention wasn’t to be a bitch, but now you’ve ignored his call twice and that’s exactly what he thinks of you. Any future run-ins will not end well because his ego is bruised (especially if his bros were in tow when he first met you).

I have lots of experience with both problems. Problem #1 because I actually wanted a guy to call, who was expecting me to call him. Problem #2 because I used to frequent the same karaoke and dive bars weekly, making me available to the men that I had unintentionally scorned. Of course #2 can be solved by being honest with the guy, but be careful with that approach too. Some guys can’t take no for an answer.

Tips to Try…

If You Like the Guy

1. Confirm his interest and intentions before you leave. Either mention that you’ll be expecting his call (be flirty and playful, not desperate) so that he knows he is next to act, or feel him out to see if you can get an idea of when he plans to call. You’ll know he’s interested if he’s quick to affirm his intentions, but not so interested if he vaguely gives you some non-committal response like, “I’m really busy this week, but I’ll be in touch.”
2. You like him but you want control of the situation. Don’t give out your number, but take his instead. Tread lightly because this is slightly emasculating and may be a turn off for some guys.
3. This is obvious, but don’t sleep with him. Times have changed, but the same rules still apply when it comes to sex. 95% of guys will lose interest immediately. Strong/intense chemistry (more than just sexual) can sometimes make the rules inapplicable, but don’t count on it.

And If You Don’t

There are respectful ways of declining a man’s advances (make sure not to give out your number), which include…

1. If you’re with a group of girls say, “we’re just having a girls night” and stay firm if he tries to poke away at your excuse.
2. If you’re solo and not worried about his perception of you say, “I’ve recently been through a rough break up, and I’m just not in a good place right now.”
3. If you’re not afraid to offend the guy or bruise his ego you could say, “that’s probably a bad idea, I just don’t think we click,” or, “I was hoping you could introduce me to your friend,” or, “I have my eyes on someone else right now.”

Of course rejection is tough. I’ve been rejected a number of times and I’ve learned not to take it personally, but for some reason I still hate to be the one doing the rejecting. I feel like a bad person, but reality is that if I give out my number I’m leading the guy on and that is much worse (in my opinion).

Got some in-the-field experiences to share? Men, what are your acceptance or rejection techniques? Do share.

While dancing up a storm, Angie and I were approached by two different types of guys:

Mr. Confident

An attractively confident man made no qualms about trying to talk to Angie. She happens to be taken, and we happened to be having a girls night, so she politely let him know that his dancing advances weren’t going to work. He wasn’t offended; he didn’t spew insults as he sulked away; he took it like a man and let us be. If anyone stood a chance of getting to dance with us it was this guy.

The Wing Man

A little later in the evening, a guy three sheets to the wind, with whiskey breath, stumbled up to me on the dance floor, and the conversation went as follows:

Wing Man: My friend thinks you’re cute and wants to dance with you.

Me: Who?

Wing Man: Pointing in a very unspecific direction. Him.

Me: We’re (referring to Angie and I) just having a good time tonight. I think you guys should do the same.

So why did I blow off the Wing Man and the potential suitor? It wasn’t about looks, in fact I didn’t even get a good luck at the guy who wanted to dance with me. It certainly wasn’t about the drunk man stammering in front of me. Wait. Actually, in truth, my rejection had 100% to do with the Wing Man factor.

How Not to Employ the Wing Man

I understand the Wing Man concept; it makes sense to me, and I’ve seen it work in the field. In the right setting, a Wing Man can make all the difference.

Facts to remember in the field:

1. Women aren’t attracted to cowards.
2. Women aren’t intrigued by men who are afraid of a challenge.

Simple truth: Don’t send your Wing Man in solo to do your dirty work in any scenario that could make you seem like less of a man.

1. He says “we” at anytime. The first date is merely the meeting of two individuals, two distinct individuals. If you hit it off, you’ll both have the opportunity to use “we” in the future, but it should have no place at the first date dinner table. There are only two reasons a man would use “we” on the first date. a) He’s a pig and he’s trying to get you into bed. b) He’s already put the cart before the horse, and he wants you to be his girlfriend. A man that uses “we” on the first date has pretty much laid all his cards on the table. He’s expecting this first date to go somewhere more serious, and even though it’s admiral to think it, he should never say it. He’s needy and needy men become clingy and unattractive after a few months (but you’ll already be stuck in a serious relationship).
2. Either of the acronyms “WoW” (in reference to World of Warcraft) or “MMORPG” (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games) escape his lips. If he uses both in the same sentence, run away fast. I have nothing against a man that plays these online games (that’s not totally true), but if he can’t contain his enthusiasm for his hobby, you can assume all of the following: he’s obsessed, he’s skipped a shower for an important battle/match, he’ll choose the game over sex at some point in the relationship, he’s already created a female character that is more buxom than any playboy centerfold, and he’ll blame you for infringing upon his mode of relaxation if you try to pull him away from the game for anything other than food.
3. He can’t decide which sports bar to take you to. Sports are great. Men who love sports are great. Sports on the first date, unless the date is the live sporting event, is not great; it signifies a man that isn’t willing to sacrifice his love of the game for a chance to really get to know you. His priorities won’t change for the second date or after the second year of dating. This really isn’t a problem in Southern California, but venture to New England and the sports bar conundrum could happen to you (it’s happened to me).
4. You need a drink to have a good time. This seems obvious, but alcohol impairs your judgment. If the guy bores you when you’re sober, but alcohol makes him good people, chances are you’ll always be less than entertained when you’re in the company of this male and without a drink.

I’ve started the list, now it’s your turn to add to it. Angie, you’ve got at least one or two to add right?

Disclaimer – When I refer to younger men, I’m discussing guys in their early 20s, and when I discuss older men, I’m referencing men in their 30s. These observations are singular to dating situations when the parties involved are of disparate ages.

Older Men

To a single gal in her 20s, the allure of a man in is 30s is unmistakable. The promise of an older man is the promise of more stability, financial security, professional ambition or direction, social savvy, and relationship maturity. Unfortunately, in actuality, these promises hold little truth. The older men in my dating arsenal usually possess two of the above qualities, and they usually come with an adverse downside. Some tenets I’ve learned from experience include:

1. Older men are set in their ways. By the time a man reaches his 30s he has already developed a pretty distinct sense of self. Add the bachelor factor into the equation and what you’re left with is a man who is accustomed to having things done his way in a manner that he is comfortable with. Spontaneity has been replaced by routine, and ambition has been sacrificed to a contentment or resigned satisfaction with the status quo. His tastes have been fine tuned, his sense of adventure has been tempered, and his bad habits, ranging from diet preferences to bedroom behavior, have had the benefit of time in their pursuit of permanency.
2. Older men are relationship-inept. The advent of more time to hone their skills in building better relationships is really just an idealic quality that we younger woman hope for in an older man. Yes, the arguments will be more tempered and less irrational, but the older man is also quick to blame the woman for being irrational or less experienced in matters of life. Men are less likely than woman to use the past experiences of their previous relationships to improve upon their current relationships. Given that with more age comes more failed relationships, chances are that the older man has not grown significantly from his former relationships, making him a less attractive candidate for the role of boyfriend.
3. Older men either want something serious or non-committal. As stated above, an older man is very self-aware. A man in his 30s knows what he wants and falls into one of two categories: determined to get married, or determined not to get married. A woman with less concretely defined ideas around the subject of matrimony is forced to chose between the man that wants to fall head-over-heals in love immediately (but will settle for less) and a man that is resolute against a serious relationship (and consequently not available to love anyone but themselves). Both options present finite ends that eliminate the possibility of real romance and relationship maturation.

Younger Men

On the surface the younger man is something to be feared by an older woman. At the very least he subjects the woman to being scrutinized by society and being labeled a cougar. In addition, a younger man can bring with him financial instability, professional ambiguity, dating inexperience, sexual inexperience, and social ineptitude. Most of these labels, however, apply to a small portion of men in their early twenties who are still suffering from the removal of the fraternal comfort zone created during their college years. A man in his 20s is more likely to possess the following qualities:

1. Younger men are experimental. A man in his 20s is rearing to try everything under the sun. From his under-developed outlook on politics and life matters to his willingness and eagerness to explore all facets of the bedroom, the younger man is searching for rich experiences and is not afraid of stepping outside his comfort zone. He’s adventurous, hopeful, ambitious, and craving knowledge. Simply put, the younger man is just plain fun to be around.
2. Younger men are relationship-capable. A man in his 20s usually has the advantage of a few test run relationships under his belt, but isn’t yet a victim of the bitter break-up; he’s essentially baggage free, making him open to compromise and free to fall in love. The younger man won’t rush into anything with the abandoned rashness of a teenager, but he also won’t prevent a natural connection with a woman from developing into something more.
3. Younger men don’t need labels. An older woman who craves a definition or something concrete too soon will find herself disappointed with a man in his early 20s. Although he’s not against finding a relationship, he’s also the type to take things day by day and let them develop naturally. He may not immediately express feelings with his words, but he certainly won’t hold back in how he shows his affection. A younger man is open to the possibilities, but not determined to finalize any relationship arrangements.

Of course these are all generalizations and every man will be slightly different, but there are certainly truths here that warrant consideration and discussion.

The Request For Proposal Process:

1. Definition of Scope of Work (SOW). The application here is in my inability to clearly define what it is I want, which I know to be fairly common in the business world. Sometimes I’m absolutely certain that I won’t settle for a man unless he is tall, educated, financially secure, passionate about me, family-oriented, a non-smoker, a social drinker, a man of faith, and not in a hurry to have kids. I lay out all these qualifications because I know, from past experience, that I shouldn’t settle for anything else. But then the proposals come in and I’m forced to settle for something less than I requested.
2. Pre-Qualification of Suppliers. In the business world it’s only reasonable to use recommendations as a way to identify potential bidders for the RFP. In my personal life I use this process in much the same way. It’s very unlikely that I will extend an offer to compete for my SOW (whether that be a date, a relationship, or something else (wink)) unless I have prior knowledge of who you are as a man. Sometimes this knowledge comes via word of mouth and sometimes its gleaned through observation, but rest assured that if you want a date with me you’ll need to go through the pre-qualification process.
3. Submission of RFP to Suppliers. I suppose I accomplish this by making myself available. It’s definitely more subtle then the business process, but I open myself up for response by dressing to the nines when I go out, socializing with interested parties, announcing my availability, and drinking.
4. Suppliers Intent to Bid. Just as a Supplier would make their intent to bid known to the company who created the RFP, my suitors make their intent to deliver on the SOW by calling after an exchange of information. Calls received within three days or less are considered meeting the Intent to Bid deadline, and these men remain open for consideration. Those who don’t call will absolutely never be considered again. Of course there is some consideration that occurs if a call is received too soon, and the man in question seems too eager to compete for my attention. This behavior is a definite red flag.
5. Submission of Proposals. All parties wanting to date yours truly eventually put all their cards out on the table. The RFP and proposal evaluation process specifically applies to my dating life such that I can’t reasonably evaluate one man without another man in the picture. There’s definitely something to be said for a competitive platform. For one, most men love a challenge . In addition, the introduction of competition makes them step up their game a bit. The more options available the more opportunity I have to select the things that really matter most to me.
6. Supplier Selection. This is always the difficult part. Narrowing multiple opportunities into just one right decision can be difficult and stress inducing. The promise in the proposal isn’t always kept, and usually a contract is signed such that removing yourself from the contract is painful and uncomfortable for both parties. Engaging in a relationship is either one of two things, fruitful and fulfilling or headed towards eventual demise.
7. Project Management. In the same way that a business relationship starts out extremely rewarding, my relationships start well but quickly unravel. Unforeseeable challenges develop over time. The conversations can start friendly, but eventually teeter on abrasiveness, and there’s always moments of miscommunication and misinterpretation.

If you really think about, dating is just one big RFP. Care to share your thoughts?