US Airways 925 Calorie Snack Box
Insider information here. I paid the five bucks for a snack pack
because I was starving. gets you Bubble Bee tuna, a fruit bar, some
crackers, dried fruit & nut mix, and the Andies mint cookies.Verdict – save your money unless your starving. Plus if you eat the
whole darn thing then you’ll be 925 calories heavier. I’d rather have
two hearty meals for that caloric intake.
Mobile post sent by jbruin using Utterz.
Heading home from SXSW
The Number Game
So this post isn’t related to my other numbers post, that one is about sex and this one is about the actual 10 digits that are exchanged when you meet someone you like (or don’t like).
The Rules Have Changed
Back in the day before everyone had cell phones, and men were less savvy to the fake number game (which really wasn’t that long ago), a gal used to be able to assert her interest in a guy by giving him her real number. If she didn’t like the guy she could give a fake and move on. If he (the guy with the real number) called in two to three days he would be eligible for a first date, but if he waited too long she would assume he wasn’t that interested. How simple and easy.
Today the rules have changed in more than a few ways.
Fake numbers aren’t an option. Guys have become savvy to this ploy, so they usually whip out their cell and ask you to input your name and number (which is now their way of getting digits without remembering your name). The new trend seems to be that once the digits are stored, the guy will call the number to confirm that it truly is yours. Two new problems arise.
Problem # 1 – You now have the guy’s number in your cell (good for screening purposes), but in this day and age guys don’t feel like they always have to be the pursuer and occasionally expect this exchange of numbers to result in the girl calling them, possibly creating a no call scenario.
Problem #2 – You’ve given your number to guy you don’t care to see again, simply because you were backed into a corner. He calls. You screen. If you don’t return his call and he’s especially interested, he’ll call again. You screen again. Awkward. Your intention wasn’t to be a bitch, but now you’ve ignored his call twice and that’s exactly what he thinks of you. Any future run-ins will not end well because his ego is bruised (especially if his bros were in tow when he first met you).
I have lots of experience with both problems. Problem #1 because I actually wanted a guy to call, who was expecting me to call him. Problem #2 because I used to frequent the same karaoke and dive bars weekly, making me available to the men that I had unintentionally scorned. Of course #2 can be solved by being honest with the guy, but be careful with that approach too. Some guys can’t take no for an answer.
Tips to Try…
If You Like the Guy
- Confirm his interest and intentions before you leave. Either mention that you’ll be expecting his call (be flirty and playful, not desperate) so that he knows he is next to act, or feel him out to see if you can get an idea of when he plans to call. You’ll know he’s interested if he’s quick to affirm his intentions, but not so interested if he vaguely gives you some non-committal response like, “I’m really busy this week, but I’ll be in touch.”
- You like him but you want control of the situation. Don’t give out your number, but take his instead. Tread lightly because this is slightly emasculating and may be a turn off for some guys.
- This is obvious, but don’t sleep with him. Times have changed, but the same rules still apply when it comes to sex. 95% of guys will lose interest immediately. Strong/intense chemistry (more than just sexual) can sometimes make the rules inapplicable, but don’t count on it.
And If You Don’t
There are respectful ways of declining a man’s advances (make sure not to give out your number), which include…
- If you’re with a group of girls say, “we’re just having a girls night” and stay firm if he tries to poke away at your excuse.
- If you’re solo and not worried about his perception of you say, “I’ve recently been through a rough break up, and I’m just not in a good place right now.”
- If you’re not afraid to offend the guy or bruise his ego you could say, “that’s probably a bad idea, I just don’t think we click,” or, “I was hoping you could introduce me to your friend,” or, “I have my eyes on someone else right now.”
Of course rejection is tough. I’ve been rejected a number of times and I’ve learned not to take it personally, but for some reason I still hate to be the one doing the rejecting. I feel like a bad person, but reality is that if I give out my number I’m leading the guy on and that is much worse (in my opinion).
Got some in-the-field experiences to share? Men, what are your acceptance or rejection techniques? Do share.
Introducing the TT
Sometimes blessings come from unpredictable cirmcumstances.
Table For One Please
This post was inspired by my daily perusal of all things pop culture, which includes a quick stop at PopSugar, where I found a quick blurb about dining solo. The general consensus in the comments was that those who dine without the company of another party are practically pity-worthy.
More than a few years ago, I was very much of the opinion that going it alone was for the sad and pathetic. Why would I want to subject myself to such scrutiny? A funny thing happened, as my numerical age increased, my alone-in-the-world insecurity decreased, allowing my self-confidence and contentment with life to blossom. I started slowly with a movie, a drink, more frequent and longer coffee house stays, and then I progressed to lunch with a book, magazine, or laptop, ultimately arriving at a place of peace when it comes to dining alone without the security blanket effect of don’t-approach-me-or-pity-me armor.
In the process of unmasking my single woman masquerade, I’ve discovered a few simple truths about why doing dinner and drinks for me can be better than the twofer alternative.
Company Does Not Equal Good Company
Out on the town, I’ve been exposed to diseased duos and contemptuous companions. One particular incident, while I was solo in Manchester, not only endeared me to dining alone, but helped me appreciate the joys of single life. I happened to be eating my Panera staple of chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl, when a fairly hostile voice pierced the silence of the dining room. Granted I couldn’t quite make out the exact words, but a woman was dining with her boyfriend or lover, and after several shrieks, it became clear that he was loving on some other woman. After about 10 minutes of boisterous battling, the man under siege stormed out, leaving the bewildered woman alone with a mouthful of curse words left to spew at the air. How sweet it was to be solo at that particular in moment in time.
Single, Solo, and Approachable
Behind the facade of a confident male, there usually exists a little boy who is still scared of rejection. Question this statement? Just go to any club, restaurant, or bar and look around a bit. Guys aren’t jumping out of there seats to approach women with friends. A gaggle of gals is a potential disaster zone for most men; they’re confronted with cock blocks, chatty cathies, and conversational pressure. Even when a man does risk the rejection, he is more likely to do so when the friends flock to the bathroom or go for a cigarette, leaving the object of their desire invitingly available.
Going out alone has been a blessing in disguise. I’m automatically the most attractive option in the room, because I appear self-confident, secure, and approachable. Another story from my Manchester days tells the tale of a girl (me) desperately wanting to watch the Chargers play the Patriots (while in New England territory) in a social setting. Instead of using the obvious deterrents as a motivation to stay in, I put on my Charger hat and headed to a local bar. Before I had time to walk in the door, I was spotted by a very attractive Charger-clad cutie also braving enemy territory. Conversation initiated instantly and in a few minutes, I had my pick of 5 (2 single) sports enthusiastic males. Although none of the connections panned out, I did make some cool guy friends and I was able to have a good time despite the fact that the Chargers were served a beating (so sad).
Closing Thoughts
You’re entitled to your own opinion, and I’d love for you to share it here, but the next time you judge a solo diner or drinker for their singular ways, remember this blog and reflect on the fact that the pity might best be applied to the person doing the judging.
Do-It-Yourself Dating
Saturday night was a blast. Angie picked me up and we headed to our favorite karaoke secret spot. The liquor was cheap, the tunes were cheesy, and even though our karaoke game wasn’t on point as usual, the boys were still feeling the both of us. Around midnight the KJ morphed into a DJ, and the bar turned into a dance club. Of course, by midnight, the sauce had seeped in and dancing seemed like the most normal of behaviors.
While dancing up a storm, Angie and I were approached by two different types of guys:
Mr. Confident
An attractively confident man made no qualms about trying to talk to Angie. She happens to be taken, and we happened to be having a girls night, so she politely let him know that his dancing advances weren’t going to work. He wasn’t offended; he didn’t spew insults as he sulked away; he took it like a man and let us be. If anyone stood a chance of getting to dance with us it was this guy.
The Wing Man
A little later in the evening, a guy three sheets to the wind, with whiskey breath, stumbled up to me on the dance floor, and the conversation went as follows:
Wing Man: My friend thinks you’re cute and wants to dance with you.
Me: Who?
Wing Man: Pointing in a very unspecific direction. Him.
Me: We’re (referring to Angie and I) just having a good time tonight. I think you guys should do the same.
So why did I blow off the Wing Man and the potential suitor? It wasn’t about looks, in fact I didn’t even get a good luck at the guy who wanted to dance with me. It certainly wasn’t about the drunk man stammering in front of me. Wait. Actually, in truth, my rejection had 100% to do with the Wing Man factor.
How Not to Employ the Wing Man
I understand the Wing Man concept; it makes sense to me, and I’ve seen it work in the field. In the right setting, a Wing Man can make all the difference.
Facts to remember in the field:
- Women aren’t attracted to cowards.
- Women aren’t intrigued by men who are afraid of a challenge.
Simple truth: Don’t send your Wing Man in solo to do your dirty work in any scenario that could make you seem like less of a man.
Better Than Chocolate
Don’t believe the chocolate commercials; you won’t be getting your woman all hot and bothered with a nice box of chocolates. Life just isn’t that simple.
I’m here to help!
This post is for all the men out there who are searching for that perfect Valentine’s Day gift or activity. Okay let’s be honest. This post is really for men who can’t think beyond the box of the chocolates, but would rather not piss off their special lady.
Good (read – sufficient enough to avoid any fights or create discontent)
- Dinner reservations – most guys are savvy enough to know that trying to eat out on Vday is impossible without a reservation. Don’t wait till Wednesday. Check out restaurant reviews on Yelp (if you’re a San Diego resident you can email me for ideas) and make that reservation tonight. You’ll get added bonus points for picking something not quintessentially associated with Valentine’s Day (that’s too easy), but instead associated with a key moment in the relationship. Where were you when you two first kissed or decided to be exclusive? Women like to know that their man has an emotional heartbeat. Help her to find your sensitivity pulse by taking the initiative to arrange dinner plans that are reminiscent of a great memory.
- Send flowers – this is easy and obvious, but it’s still better than a box of chocolates. Since Vday is a Thursday, have the flowers sent to her work. This only works if the relationship is serious, though, because some women (including moi) don’t want my coworkers to know about my personal relationships too soon; it makes me feel exposed, especially since everyone always oohs and aahs over the flowers.
- Make your own basket – baskets with chocolates, candles, and beauty products are a dime a dozen, but with a little more work you can create your own personalized basket for her. Start by going to Michael’s and picking up a basket, then pick up a few of her favorite products whether they be chocolate (try upscale places like Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory for fun and tasty alternatives to traditional boxed chocolates), bath and body (The Body Shop), or home decor items (Illuminations), finally dress up the basket with tissue paper (for height), decorative ribbon, and a nice card.
Great (read – a little more effort is always appreciated)
- Take her shopping (before dinner) – find out her favorite store, pick her up from work on Vday and take her there. Instruct her to select any outfit she would like to wear to dinner (or after), and foot the bill. Of course this activity is all about making her feel sexy and desirable, so if you think your capable of saying something to destroy this mood, this is not an option for you. Major bonus points if you let her dress you for the evening too.
- Pamper her vanity – (disclaimer: this works best on weekends) if your woman likes to feel glamorous make arrangements for her to get her makeup done (you can call the MAC counter of any Nordies and set this up yourself – it’s free if you buy product), her hair styled (she probably has the number to her stylist in her planner), and her nails done. She’ll feel beautiful, confident, and appreciated.
- Take her wine tasting – This is such a great alternative to the dinner reservation staple, because it can be extremely romantic if done right. If you happen to be in San Diego, Temecula Valley’s wine country is pretty phenomenal. Wine tasting is affordable, intimate, cultural, fun, and social. If you’ve got the money to spend, you might want to rent a limo or reserve a room. Bonus points if you plan ahead and bring a variety of grapes, cheese, and crackers to ensure proper sustenance.
Fabulous (read – a whole lot of effort but satisfaction guaranteed)
- Combine 1 idea from the Great category with 1 idea from the Good category. For example, start the day off by sending her flowers to her job, and include a personalized card that let’s her know you’ll be escorting her off for a fabulous night of wine tasting and conversation.
- Schedule a couple’s spa session – This may seem a little on the cheesy side, but most women (despite what you’ve seen on TV) rarely pamper themselves, and have probably never experienced a couple’s message. Odds are that she’ll be thrilled to create new memories with you. For locating a spa near you, you can use Yelp or get recommendations from her female friends.
- Turn your bedroom into a Valentine’s Day wonderland – This requires the most work because in order to achieve the full effect you’ll need to purchase new sheets (reds, whites, pinks (pastels are great)), window coverings, a myriad of candles (with complimenting scents), roses or rose petals (for the rose pedals on the bed effect), and you’ll need to get a female to help you put everything together. The ambiance should be romantic and ethereal, which means that red everywhere is just not going to accomplish the right effect.
As I said before, I’m here to help so you can always email me if you need ideas that are more specific to your woman. Some easy alternatives to the options above include a comedy show, a burlesque show, a hotel reservation, or dinner cruise.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Best Practices for Meeting the Parents
Meeting the parents is a huge step in the maturation process of a relationship. A bad encounter could be a deal breaker, or at the very least cause unnecessary strife in an otherwise healthy relationship. Having been down this road with good and bad outcomes, I feel qualified to suggest some best practices surrounding this significant relationship milestone.
Timing
My informal research shows that most people would rather get this out of the way relatively early in the relationship, or put it off for as long as possible.
Both approaches are flawed.
If you introduce (or meet) the parents too soon you risk jeopardizing the foundation of the relationship. Relationships are tricky, and regardless of chemistry or whether or not it just feels right, a relationship can’t survive the test of time unless the foundation is properly laid. In relation to meeting the parents, you need to be 100% certain that the person you’re with will have your back during the first encounter (or vice versa), and that kind of trust is developed over time. Your significant other needs to grasp the potential awkwardness of the situation, and be able to comfort you if things go awry. There needs to be a common understanding that the odd man (or woman) out won’t be hung out to dry. Also, a newbie relationship can’t withstand the pressure or tension that could arise from the meeting. If the parents find fault, the child could question his/her original motivations for being in the relationship. Plus, the parents will be hard pressed to search for faults if they can sense that their son or daughter is crazy (in a healthy way) about the person their with.
As for the opposite scenario, waiting too long can be just as detrimental. Putting off the inevitable (if the relationship is serious then it is inevitable) could breed insecurity and crack the foundation of the relationship. The parents will usually feel slighted (if they know about the relationship, if they don’t then that is a huge red flag) or maligned if they aren’t given the opportunity to meet your boyfriend/girlfriend. They might question your motives for not arranging a meeting sooner (ie. you’re not serious about the relationship, there must be something wrong with the girl/guy, or you’re ashamed of them (all bad)), and worst of all they might judge your significant other negatively because of the delay. Add to this the emotional disturbance of one party wanting the meeting while the other doesn’t and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster.
In my experiences it takes 4 – 6 months to create the ideal situation for a proper parental introduction. If you’re not ready after 6 months, it might be time to explore other options.
Setting
Where the first meeting takes place is very important. The nature of the arrangement is such that one person will always be at a disadvantage. The parents and their respective child might feel slightly awkward, but the person in the most uncomfortable situation is the significant other (I would never advocate a dual parent first meeting, too many personalities at the table could create an indecipherable cacophony of voices and opinions).
Arranging a meeting that creates as much equality and comfortability as possible is tantamount. Avoid private dinners, noisy bars, family functions (weddings, funerals, picnics etc), or any other scenario that is difficult to extricate yourself from if things get weird.
Keep it short and sweet and around an hour. This is just an introduction. There will be a handful of opportunities to delve deeper later, but the objective here is to get the family’s initial buy-in. All that is required is a brief lunch or dinner at a casual restaurant with booths or tables not too clustered together. I would let the parents choose the restaurant, but give them a few pre-selected restaurants to choose from that offer an ambiance that is convenient for socializing (romantic settings don’t work).
Etiquette
Here are some pretty basic rules to make sure everything goes smoothly:
- If you’re introducing your boyfriend/girlfriend to your parents, then you should be the first to offer to pick up the check. Be willing to acquiesce, however, if the parents insist.
- Sit next to your boyfriend/girlfriend and make them feel as comfortable as possible. Hold their hand under the table. Pat their leg gently. Show affection when it’s appropriate, but keep kissing to a minimum.
- Don’t talk about politics or religion at the first meeting.
- Avoid making fun of your boyfriend/girlfriend in front of the parents. Even if you’re joking it’s just a bad idea.
- Don’t let your parents disrespect your boyfriend/girlfriend. Little jabs about lifestyle choices or discussions around exes are disrespectful and set the precedent for future gatherings.
- Don’t talk about marriage or kids, and don’t let your parents talk about those subjects either.
- If you’re the one being introduced to the parents, make sure you know enough about their back story to bring up interesting topics for discussion without offending their tastes or previous missteps (ie. ex-husbands, children from a different marriage).
- Accidental faux pas should not be dwelled upon. Take a bathroom break. Move on the next subject. Do something to quickly shift the focus.
- Create an out clause with your significant other prior to the meet up. If you’re uncomfortable you need a safe way to express your discomfort. Establish a code – a verbal or non-verbal cue that can be used in extreme situations.
I’m barely skimming the surface with these best practices, but the most important thing is to keep it simple and try to be yourself.
Got a valuable tip or lesson to share?
Let’s Talk About Numbers
I’m in the mood for a little sauce. I’m almost 100% healthy again, which means I’m pretty much back to me again. Self-indulgent blog posts about sick yearnings are a thing of the past (for now). Plus I’m a little fired up about reading and commenting on one of Angie’s latest posts, if you haven’t read it already, I won’t mind if you read it and come back – it’s a must read.
Let’s talk about numbers.
Here was my comment on Angie’s blog (mainly directed at Jack for his ignorance in claiming that Angie is deceitful and promiscuous for not wanting to reveal the number of men she’s slept with):
“First of all, I couldn’t have written this post any better. It’s spot on and speaks to the exact reasons why I think the numbers game is a bad one to play (especially since you can’t trust a single person to give the right one anyway). Obviously, as you point out, sexual history is key, and questions about STDs and testing are legitimate and necessary. People offended by these questions should help you keep your clothes on.
I love your point, “it only takes one partner to contract STDs.” I hate to break it to all the guys who are being miseducated by Roissy, but a girl who is less sexually promiscuous or not a “slut,” in their terms, is by no means a free pass to go without a condom.
Unfortunately for Jack he obviously lives and dies by the logic of Roissy, which is flawed existence to say the least. Start asking women how many men they’ve slept with and you will find yourself having a lot less sex. Why his followers (and that’s what they are) can’t conjure up some healthy respect level for women is beyond me. The real world consists of people. Constantly trying to bed every hot woman you meet is a shallow and futile existence. Life is about so much more than getting laid. Of course there are women on the prowl in much the say way, and I hope these women find these men, which brings us full circle. If you want an easy lay you can bet that it ain’t your game that is getting you ass, but the fact that the girl wants the same thing, probably making her number pretty darn high. Seems like “sluts” are exactly what are you want then Jack.”
I have to admit that once Jack confessed to have found Angie through Roissy’s blog, I was quick to lump him into the male pig category. Jack may not be a Roissy Jr., but his overuse of the word “slut” and his quick to judge nature proves he’s headed in that direction.
So back to the loaded question at hand…
How many people have you slept with?
It really shouldn’t matter. Read Angie’s points on this, I can’t say it any better than her. I can speak to the reasons why this question gets asked so frequently, and some key attributes of the person(s) asking the question.
Better questions then the one above…
Who’s asking and why do you want to know?
There a few types of men that ask this question (these categorizations could just as easily apply to women too):
- The less-than-experienced man – the question comes from a place of insecurity or inexperience. He’s either afraid that he won’t stack up in the sack, or he really just doesn’t know that he shouldn’t be asking the question. He might even think the question is cute or playful, and he certainly means no harm by it.
- The more-than-experienced-facade man – he may or may not want to know your actual number, but he’s secretly hoping that you’ll ask the question back so that he can display his possibly concocted prowess. Instead of revealing a number, he’ll probably feed you the “you don’t want to know” or the “it’s too high to count” line. Some guys develop an inflated sense of self from the number of women they bed, and aren’t afraid to broadcast their behaviors. Others just want you to think that they’re the man. Regardless of whether or not it’s a facade, this man is a tool.
- The judgmental man (like Jack) – the question comes from a place of judgment (and possibly insecurity). He has some arbitrary and misguided number in his head that he deems reasonable. He wants to know because he thinks he has mastered the girlfriend equation, and this variable is essential to determining whether you’re greater than or less than his standards. This man is a bigger tool.
- The confused and curious man – he really doesn’t have a good reason for asking, expect that he just wants to know. A lot of the guys I’ve dated fall into this category. The topic piques their curiosity, but when it’s time to move on to the next subject they aren’t capable of letting it go. Funny thing, not one of these guys ever told me their number.
So if you still feel like asking for a concrete number, what kind of guy/gal are you?
Sick Yearnings
So I’m sick. I’ve got the flu or the worst cold of my life, and I’m a sloppy mess of snot, jammies, and tissue. It couldn’t be worse timing, as I’ve got 10 – 20 hours of contract work to complete before Monday, and I’ll be traveling all day Sunday (during the Super Bowl) to Manchester, New Hampshire. I’m sure some of the guys that took offense to this post find my current state of being poetic justice.
There’s something inexplicable about the weakened immune system that simultaneously weakens my strong independent woman persona. Every time I get really sick, I find myself fighting against the emotional wreck buried inside me. Ex-boyfriends magically become saints who I never should have discarded, new prospects offer the hope of a relationship, and the sight of me in the mirror makes me question my beauty and my success (or lack their of) in life.
You girls remember the episode of Sex and the City where Big has heart surgery and Carrie takes care of him? Big, the biggest of detached and unemotional male pigs, was rethinking everything in his life including the nature of his relationship with Carrie. He goes to sleep a changed man, ready to commit, but he wakes up feeling better and it’s like those thoughts were never real. Samantha suffered the same malady, but quickly rediscovered her sexual diva when the sickness faded away.
All this nonsense is the product of inactivity. I hate being inactive. The cliché “the mind is a terrible thing to waste” should read “the mind is a dangerous thing to leave unchecked.” The problem with being out of regular commission is that your life as you know it stops. Meetings, email, dates, and drinks are replaced with sweaty naps, pounding headaches, and extreme body temperature fluctuations. The inactivity settles in and individuals not in a relationship find themselves painfully laboring to make a cup of tea. A sick single gal is nothing more than a germ infested pool of hormones and loneliness.
I know what I’ll be doing tonight, this fine Friday night that would normally lead to some form of debauchery and the promise of a goodnight kiss; I’ll be making another cup of tea and forgetting why it is I love to be single.
